June 26, 2014 by timbuckler
There is a new Predator film coming out. At first It didn’t really register until I discovered fucking HAWKINS IS WRITING THE SCRIPT!
So I went on facebook to share the joy and to my surprise….everybody is kind of pissed off about it.
I understand the anger of remakes and reboots and such. I too used to cry out for people to leave the classics alone and the lack of originality in Hollywood. I remember sharing my anger with you guys when I first saw the Evil Dead remake trailer. You can check out that rant here.
Re-reading that made me realise that the Evil Dead continuity is actually one big crazy cluster fuck, and this blog which I started to write about not worrying about remakes is now going to be about the EVIL DEAD PARADOX!……..But we will get into that. Let me say my piece on remakes and then I shall blow your Deadite minds.
So I was all against the Evil Dead reboot but then it came and went and you know something? It didn’t change a damn thing. The first movies are still there. They haven’t been wiped from history, mean movie producers didn’t go round all the shops and replace the old DVD’s with the new film, they didn’t delete all the downloads and they didn’t burn all the Bruce Campbell action figures. If anything all the remake did was guide a new generation towards the originals.
Same goes for the Halloween remake I was so dead against. It came, it went and the original is still the version they show every year on October 31st. Well the original or one of it’s many shitty sequels.
Paul Rudd is in this one and it STILL sucks.
Which leads me to my next point. Why worry about a films prestige when that prestige has already been dumped on by a bunch of poxy sequels? Predator 2 sucks (I know, I know, get over the fact Danny Glovers in it and what you got is a shite film) the AVP franchise REALLY SUCKED and that last attempt at a reboot a couple of years back? I cold make a more entertaining Predator film if I recorded an ant on my camera phone for two hours. Boring it was.
“Let’s take one of the worlds biggest action stars and replace him with the king of indies” Why? “Why? What do you mean why!? To piss off the fanboys, why else do you think we do reboots!?”
But the original is still there. If anything the original now has more class proving that it was actually quite a well made film and not just a testosterone fuelled action fest that was smashed together to showcase guys with big muscles firing guns (which it totally was).
Maybe thats why the sequels suck. They tried to hard too make an intelligent storyline with relatable characters when all we wanted was Arnie covered in mud and swearing. I’m being serious here. Get me Chris Hemsworth or Jason Mamoa in a tank top and we can talk business! Wait, actually scratch Mamoa, for a second I forgot about the other Arnie reboot he was in…..
Wait, whats that? The original Conan still exists? In fact the failure that was the remake has pushed a new Conan sequel starring Arnie into the greenlight?
So a remake can actually be beneficial for the original! Remember that piece of shit Robocop film that came out this year?
Well if it wasn’t for that we wouldn’t have got this
An awesome remastered unrated directors cut of the original to coincide with the new films release!
Now I’m going to say something that may shock you…..what if….and bear with me here……what if the remake is BETTER than the original?
Stop laughing at me Billy, I’m being serious.
Sci-Fi/Horror does have a decent track record of the remake surpassing the original.
I’m talking about THE THING!
I’m talking about THE FLY!
I’m talking about THE INVASION OF THE MOTHER FUCKING BODY SNATCHERS!
So maybe, just maybe this remake will be fine after all. It’s just a shame that they’re dropping nearly thirty years worth of continuity. Oh wait, they’re not.
So it isn’t even a real remake. It’s still set in the same continuity much like the Evil Dead remake. The reboot rant is done so now I can segue into a new rambling.
THE EVIL DEAD CONTINUITY CLUSTER FUCK!
Here be spoilers…..
The remake is actually a sequel!
So it is largely hinted that this movie takes place in the same universe as the first Evil Dead film. Professor Knowby’s voice is heard in the end credits and Ash gives a cheeky groovy. Also the fist time we see Mia, the films heroine, she is sat on Ash’s abandoned car! Although this sets continuity for the first “straight” Evil Dead it also destroys the continuity from the “comedy” sequels, because at the end of Evil Dead 2 Ash’s car gets sucked into the vortex with him. Also Evil Dead 2 doesn’t follow continuity from the original because…
The sequel is actually a remake!
Evil Dead 2 is a straight remake from the first. There are no ties, Ash has no memory of the first film and at the start he enters the log cabin for the first time. Evil Dead 1 does not exist in the Evil Dead 2 universe, so the remake is actually more of a sequel than the sequel! And then it becomes even more of a mind fuck.
The second sequel is a sequel AND a remake!
The first ten minutes of Army of Darkness fools you into thinking it’s a straight sequel to Evil Dead 2 with a recap of the previous adventure when in fact the recap is in itself a remake. Rather than use the existing footage it is a complete re-shoot. Not only that but they changed the ending of the film! Evil Dead 2 ends with Ash getting sucked into the vortex, going back in time, killing a Deadite and being hailed as “The Chosen One”. The Army of Darkness recap ends with Ash being sucked into the vortex, going back in time and being captured as a slave. It’s only later when Ash fights the monster in the pit is he hailed as the chosen one, so continuity be damned!
The second sequel is a sequel AND a remake AND a remake….of itself.
No this is where it gets REALLY confounding. The original ending of Army of Darkness had Ash sleeping too long and waking up in a apocalyptic future. The studios thought this ending was too dark and so they did a reshoot with a happy ending that had Ash waking up in his own time and being a hero. Most VHS, DVD and Blu-Ray releases of the film included both endings so if the were ever planning on making an Evil Dead 4 the continuity is fucked from the get go no matter what ending to choose to go with.
And so ends my speech on remakes, reboots and continuity cluster fucks. Hope you enjoyed it, hope you feel less afraid of movie studios fucking with your childhood and remember
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Tim Buckler will return…..