Music videos in my head!

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June 16, 2014 by timbuckler

You all know me. Know how I earn a livin’.

Because of my job I have been reacquainted with popular music. Back in the day I used to swagger home from school and check out the charts on the Box whilst I munched my evening biscuits giving me a visual story to go with the hit tracks. Now I hear the tunes without the medium of a music video, forcing me to create my own mini movie for the song.

SO! This is whats gonna happen. I’m going to explain the video in my head to you guys, then watch the ACTUAL video so we can see how close I get. (By the way I am also aware some of these songs are a year or two old. That’s current in my opinion.)

Kylie Minogue- I Was Gonna Cancel

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In My Head

It’s happy feel good summer song. It gives me the impression of car racing in Miami or LA or some sunny place where everyone is having a cracking good time. Kylie is in neon colours and make up smiling at the camera. In the chorus on each repetition of the word Go I reckons the screen splits with Kylie, some dancers and some cars. Maybe a traffic light will also feature heavily

The Actual Video

Couldn’t have been anymore wrong. Kylie is dressed age appropriately which is the first shocker and there isn’t a single car in sight. It’s just people walking about whilst Kylie dances in a disinterested style. A boring video that was clearly made on the budget of 50p.

Pharrell Williams- Marilyn Monroe

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In My Head 

Pharrell has been wearing a stupid hat lately so I imagine that will feature prominently. The song is about how much he wants “a different girl”. Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe and Joan of Arc won’t do you see (even though they are all dead). I think Pharrell will be dancing around some kind of factory with disco lights and lots of different girls on conveyor belts. Maybe Pharrell  himself will do some conveyor belt dancing FUCKING JAMIROQUAI STYLE!

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Stupid hat wearers love there conveyor belt dancing.

The Actual Video

Well I was right about the hat and all the different girls! No conveyor belt dancing though sadly. I was pretty psyched to see the return of Pharrells BMX! Took me back to the days where he was an outlaw! (quick on the draw). I bet he had his wicked way with all of them.

Paloma Faith- Only Love Can Hurt Like This.

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In My Head

I actually quite like this song. I think Paloma will be dressed down, rolling around a four post bed singing to the camera. Something nice and simple. I asked Mumsy what she thought it would be and she says it will be Paloma standing on a mountain by the sea. Lets see who’s closer.

The Actual Video

PARENTAL ADVISORY: EXPLICIT CONTENT! Wow! Really? I was right about the bedroom, but she wasn’t rolling about by herself, she was with a fella! And she also dressed down. In fact, you see her dress down. Not sure what the warning was about though. Nothing too saucy. For a second I though we were gonna cop a look at Faith’s Palomas.

The Saturdays- Gentleman

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In My Head

Horrible song this is. Just sounds like a bunch of girls talking at each other really fast with no attempt to harmonise. They say a real gentlemen is hard to find. Not really love. Maybe you should stop dating footballers and make your way to BED bar on a Saturday night where you will find Tim. Tim will look after ya. Don’t expect a drink though, I’m skint. I think this video has the girls prancing around in a Moulin Rouge style whilst “Gentlemen” in top hats offer them diamond rings and champagne, then they shove it all back in the guys face whilst cackling.

The Actual Video

Not a gentleman in sight! Instead its the girls in an American suburb doing garden chores in ball gowns, much like a Desperate Housewives promo. Then they dress up like men and play cards. They video ends with them getting off with themselves, if you needed any more proof of how up there own arses they are.

Sia-Chandelier

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In My Head

Well this song is stupid. Until I was corrected I thought the chorus lyric was “I’m Gonna Sail! SINGING SHAMAMALOOOO!!! SINGING SHAMAMALOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  I had no idea who Sia was until I googled her just now. I honestly thought this song was by Rihanna and I expected her to be dressed as a pirate swigging rum and maybe, at some point, swinging from a chandelier. Lets see how this plays out.

The Actual Video

Nope. It’s some 13 year old looking chick dressed as Lady GaGa dancing like a hysterical idiot around some shitty house. I dislike Sia. She insists upon herself.

Paolo Nutini- Better Man 

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In My Head

I like Paolo. Dudes talented but not an egotistical jerk which is quite rare in this day and age. I reckon the video to this bluesy tune will be shot in black and white. A New Orleans style city will be the backdrop and Nutini will be walking about or playing a guitar on some steps. Nice and simple.

The Actual Video

Black and White! Yes! Simple! Yes! Just didn’t realises how simple. Just him jamming with his band in a dressing room. What a charismatic mother fucker this man is.

Right, I’m done. As always you can…

Follow me on facebook facebook.com/timsfortressofsolitude

or tweet me @TimBuckler316

Tim Buckler will return….

 

 

 

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