June 4, 2014 by timbuckler
So I saw X-Men: Days of Future Past last night and it was awesome!……Until I got home and started overthinking things…..then I kind of ruined it for myself. So then I phoned my homeboy Jamie Sims for some answers……and the only thing he provided me with was more questions.
All time travel stories have plot holes. But this film has some so big you could fit a floating football stadium in them.
So prepare yourself’s for a geeky ramble, and if you have the answers please send them to me. Seriously. It might help me sleep again.
Oh yeah, and obviously stop reading if you have yet to see the film because HERE BE SPOILERS!!!!!!
1. No more adamantium?
So we will start at the end of the film and like Kitty Pryde doing the time warp on Logan’s noggin, we will work our way backwards.
Striker is the man who put Wolverine through the hellish shit that is the Weapon X program and when he finds Logan all fucked up at the bottom of the river we presume this is the start of his journey towards being brainwashed and given his adamantium claws. BUT WAIT!
Striker turns to the camera and gives us the Thriller eyes!
This informs us that Striker is in fact Mystique! She has come to save Wolvie from the future!
Does that mean the events of X-men: Origins never happened? Thank God because that movie sucked more balls than the Oompa Loompa who tests the Everlasting Gobstoppers!
But that also means Wolverine never got his awesome blades leaving him with those shitty bone chopstick things. I want snick snick, not spoldge splodge.
Also if Wolverine was never part of Weapon X it means Wade Wilson never got his regeneration abilities which means there is no Deadpool. And I love Deadpool so this makes me sad.
Unless of course Mystique sent him off to Weapon X anyway as she does have a habit of being a bit of a bitch.
2.So how many of the X-men films have actually happened?
Jean Grey is back! Yaaaay! So is Cyclops! Yaaaa-wait.
Charles changed time and stopped Cyclops getting blown to smithereens in X-Men: Last Stand. So does that mean the events of Last Stand didn’t happen?
Jean Grey is all cool and not that Phoenix arsehole she becomes after biting the dust at the end of X-Men 2. So does that mean none of those events happened?
Wait. One more time.
If Wolverine never got his adamantium then NONE of the X-men films have happened! Apart from First Class of course.
So burn your DVD collection because that shit is now redundant.
And if thats the case….
3.How is Wolverine an X-Man?
So when Logan joins the team he is a lonely man stumbling around the states with no memory. Xavier takes him under his wing to try and help him. Logan doesn’t need help anymore. He never went to Weapon X so he never lost his memory. Maybe he moved into the school after Mystique saved him and became a history teacher which, like Scrooge waking up on Christmas morning, completely redefines the character. Pussy Wolverine with chopstick bone claws. Thanks Bryan Singer. Glad your back.
4.Why did the government forget about the mutants?
Right, lets pretend continuity stands. In the original trilogy the Government acts all confused at the presence of Mutants. It’s as if they have been keep secret and haven’t made a big noise until the story of X-Men 1 begins. Even most of the Mutants seem surprised to discover that there are others like them.
So did they just forget the fact Magneto Lifted a stadium over the Whitehouse? Or that he killed/saved the goddamn fucking President?
even with the fall of Trask industries you think Uncle Sam would have taken some security procedures to stop teleporting bastards like Nightcrawler from hoping around the Oval office!
5.Days of Future Past
WTF does the title even mean?
Ok. Rant over. Someone explain this shit to me via
Tim Buckler will return…..