March 15, 2014 by timbuckler
Whenever I feel the need to do some exercise but I am too lazy to pick up the kettle bells, a good old fashioned montage gets me pumped and ready for action.
But there are only so many times you can watch Balboa run up the steps. Here are some other epic passages of time that don’t include the Italian Stallion.
Warrior- Listen to the Beethoven.
Warrior is Rocky with two Rocky’s, which is awesome because that means you don’t really know who to root for (or who is going to win the end fight).
It’s about two brothers who enter a fight tournament, both for just reasons and both not taking failure as an option. Also, Joel Edgerton played Uncle Owen in the new trilogy and Tom Hardy played that Picard clone in Nemesis, so technically it’s Star Wars vs Star Trek. You can’t get more epic than that.
The Karate Kid- Best around.
The Karate Kid is Rocky for children. I decided to skip the training montage as it mostly involves Daniel-San scrubbing floors (wax on wax off and all that business) so instead here is the end tournament. Probably the second most parodied montage after the Rocky franchise.
No Retreat, No Surrender- Super Gayness.
If the Karate Kid is Rocky for children then No Retreat, No Surrender is the Karate Kid for morons. It’s a terrible fucking film where Van Damme breaks a guys leg so his son gets trained by the ghost of a chubby Bruce Lee to take out the muscles from brussels in a fight tournament. I included this montage for the SUUUUUUUUPPPPPERRRRR GAAAAAAAAYYYYYNEEEESSSS that is 0.43
Bloodsport- Sticks and stretches
From a shit Van Damme film to a good one. Well I say good, it’s also shit but shit in a good way. This training sequence mostly involves Jean Claude getting chucked around like a rag doll and beaten with sticks whilst his master occasionally smiles and nods, an intense work out I can’t see any of my local gyms enforcing. That’s because gyms are for pussy’s and rich people. I tried to make my coffee blindfolded this morning. It burnt.
Over the Top- Winner takes it all
Couldn’t write a thing on movie montages and not include at least one Sly film. Over the top is Rocky with arm wrestling. Nothing in it to get you too jacked up. Unless of course two muscly men holding hands and sweating and grunting in each others faces does that to ya.
Ah sod it, lets end it with Rocky running up the mountain.
Tim Buckler will return….