March 12, 2014 by timbuckler
Y’all know me, know how I earn a living. I’m a script writing, blog typing, song singing, guitar playing, movie making son of a gun. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
But this is all just to fund my true ambition: working part time in a shoe store. As I venture forth in this new chapter of my life I feel the need to share with you guys my favourite feet clothes from the world of fiction! First, some honourable mentions.
The Ruby Slippers-Wizard of Oz
Dorothy gained the Ruby Slippers as soon as she touch downed in Oz and after her long journey down the yellow brick road she was told all she had to do was click her heels three times and say “There’s no place like home” in order to get back to Kansas. For some reason she had to encounter nightmare sentient objects, flying monkeys, evil witches and wizards and all other kinds of horse shit before being told that fact by Glinda which makes you question who is the true wicked bitch?
The Glass Slippers- Cinderella
Cinders famously left one of her glass slippers at the ball. Prince Charming used the worlds most easily snapable heels in order to find the girl of his dreams by making all of the ladies in the land try it on to see if it fitted rather than, you know, using his fucking eyes. A fool proof plan as NO ONE has the same size feet.
The Bat-skates- Batman and Robin
Oh just fuck off.
Right, on to our main event. MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE FICTIONAL FOOTWEAR!
The Power Sneakers- Sonic the Hedgehog
I was a Megadrive kid (Sega Genesis for you yankee doodles) and as a result Sonic was my main man. Whenever I drew pictures of the blue bastard I always saved the sneakers untill last as I found them the most fun to sketch. The sneakers also played a vital part in Sonic’s origin (at least according to the brilliantly named SONIC: THE COMIC). Sonic was a usual brown hedgehog until Dr Kintobor used him in an experiment to test his new speedy invention. The resulting laboratory explosion which was triggered by the good Doctor stacking it on a wire whilst trying to bin a rotten egg turned Sonic into the corporate mascot we know and love and transformed Kintobor into the evil Dr Robotnik! (Or Eggman as the Japanese have now forced us to call him.)
As a chubby lad I dreamed of owning Sonic’s sneakers. In the rare circumstances I did jog I used to fling my arms back in a super-speed pose! Then I would usually fall over face first. Then I would cry.
Williams Wish Wellingtons
When William Stevenson’s Mum brought him a new pair of Wellies he found a note inside which read “These are Wish Wellingtons, put them on and make a wish.” So he did. And life became so goddamn awesome for him. Luckily William is a good lad who wishes for cute kid things like sweets and puppy’s and not the proper evil shit I would have done if granted that much power at such a young age. The cartoon show had a rocking theme tune as well but God help you if your name is William and you are in the vicinity of me when I am drunk because I WILL scream it in your face.
Nike Air Mag- Back to the Future Part II
Ok so we are nearly at 2015 and it’s starting to look worrying. No flying cars, no rehydrating microwaves and saddest of all no hover-boards.
Levitation Boots- Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
Star Trek V is an absolute cluster fuck of a film. Easily the worst Star Trek movie (and that’s saying something as there have been some proper stinkers) the reason I love these shoes so much is the sheer absurdity of them.
The film opens with a 58 year old Shatner climbing up a mountin with his bare hands. Shatner also directed this one and I believe the Final Frontier in the title is his massive ego trip.
Out of nowhere Spock pops up, buzzing around the good Captain with annoying remarks much like Gazoo from the Flintstones.
“What ya doing dum dum?”
Spock has levitation boots you see, which grants him the power of flight. We have never seen this technology before or since in a Star Trek flick even though I can think of countless times where they would have come in handy.
But when I first saw this as a kid Spock could fly and that was awesome.
Mighty Max’s sneakers- Mighty Max
Mighty Max’s sneakers have no special power or mystic origin. I just thought they looked fucking awesome.
Tim Buckler will return….