September 24, 2013 by timbuckler
“Who’s the man with the long brown hair, IT’S TIM BUCKLER, HE DON’T FUCKING CARE!”
When I enter a room this is about as far as I get with my theme tune before someone tells me to shut up. Bastard’s. When I’m a movie making rock star fuck god people will be begging me wail “Timmy’s Lament (the Buckler March)™”.
Until that day I have decided to share with you my favourite bands who sing there own themes. To qualify a band must have at least part or there name in the chorus. Also I should point out I am excluding rappers as they seem to have a bazillion songs on each album explaining who they are and what it is they do, whether it’s Dre telling you not to forget about him or Snoop wondering where his Dogg’s at.
In fact theres a point. Now that he is Snoop Lion has he changed the lyrics to his back catalogue in live shows? Comment if you know, as I am genuinely interested.
Nananananaaaa, It’s the muther fuckin’ L-I-O-N
So with all that in mind, lets get started shall we?
The Monkees- Hey, hey We’re the Monkees!
They Monkees were a bit like the Beatles except they couldn’tplay there own instruments. Then they learned to play and everything was ok with the world. I have spoken to record producers many a time about making my own album using the same tacit but sadly they refused, even when I point out the fact that during their peak they sold more albums than the Beatles AND the Rolling Stones.
That is a true fact by the way.
“HOW!?” I can hear you crazy fanboys scream. Well the fact they had there own primetime TV show certainly helped. Especially seeing as how it was fronted by one of the BEST. THEMES. EVER.
It’s a fucking powerful track. The following is a true story. The other night me and my good friends Stu and Alf got pissed and decided to trek into town. On our way to the pub we decided to sing the Monkees theme,complete with Monkee wallk and in time to the chorus, out of nowhere our friend Tom appeared and grabbed on to us. Then we all started dancing and laughing. Then some screaming girls chased us as our hats magically changed colour and size.
Ok, they last sentence may have been a lie but still that song has the power to make you happy in the darkest of situations.
Backstreet Boys- Everybody (Backstreets Back)
The Backstreet Boys, as far as I can tell during my five minutes of research, were the first boyband to name drop themselves during a song (that of course, depends on whether you count the Monkees as a boyband, but that is a different argument for a different day.)
The result? possibly the only good song recorded by a manufactured dance troop. Yeah. I admit it. I really like this song. (It’s even easier to admit once you have seen the film “This is the end”).
It even had a cracking music video to go along with it that was set, if I’m not mistaken, in Casper the friendly ghost’s house.
Sadly, no one could not predict the river of shit that would follow. British Backstreet rip offs Five would proceed to announce themselves with every chorus they (or the record company) ever wrote, as well instructions in EVERY one of their songs to either get on up or get on down.
I fucking hate Five.
The Who- Who are you?
Ok, ok okaaaaaay! Jesus! Fine! Time for some real music!
Long before C.S.I used it as there theme tune, Stadium rockers the Who used to ask at there live gigs “Who are you? Who Who? Who Who?”
The thing I love about this song is if it never existed and I wrote it, then went up to my band with my acoustic, sung the chorus and asked them what they thought, they would probably laugh in my face and tell me to fuck off with my owl impression.
But with the synths and crunching guitars, this song is sooooo Who. The only way it could be more Who is if the band members consisted of William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker.
Killer Queen is probably the origin of the band we all know and love today.
The song itself is about some kind of aristocratic lazy bitch, but it symbolises so much more than that.
It was the bands first number one hit single, and also the debut of the band’s trademark “sound”.
Bryan May’s multilayered guitar solo combined with the epic four part electronic harmony is guaranteed to blow your mind. Anytime.
If Bohemian Rhapsody catapulted them in to rock Gods, Killer Queen was the first step to the throne.
That’s my Halloween costume sorted.
Enough of this fuckery. The real reason I wrote this post is to introduce you all to the best band ever: MANOWAR.
They are Kings of Metal. They are the Warriors of the World. When they’re not rocking out sold out arenas across the globe they’re are fighting dragons and any evil doers who dare cross their path.
Here is their epic anthem, telling us how the band met and developed their style. Turn your speakers up and remember, this is not sung with any irony.
Ok. I will give you a second to gather your wits, as I know your trying to recover from the greatest fucking thing you have ever heard ever.
I just love visualising the lyrics.
“We met on English ground, in a backstage room we heard the sound, and we all knew what we had to do!”
The thought that four gnarly rockers sat out back at a gig and without saying a word, maybe just nodding to each other, made a pact to become broadsword swinging, guitar rocking bad ass mother fuckers who are here to take other the world makes me tear up with happiness. Dreams do come true.
And that final battle cry sends shivers to my balls. “BORN, TO LIVE, FOREVER MORE! THE RIGHT, TO CONQUER EVERY SHORE! MAN-O-WAAAAAAAAAAAR!”
My brother once made a point that any song could be improved by adding that end scream. I agree 100%
John Lennon for example
“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you will join us and the world can live as one. MAN-O-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!”
Or maybe Sinead O’Connor
“Nothing compares, to you……..MAN-O-WAAAAAAAAAAAAR”
or maybe Susan Boyle…..Ok, I think you get my point.
What are your favourite band themes? Comment and let me know!
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Tim Buckler will return……