The Man of Steel: What I DO and DON’T want to see

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February 11, 2013 by timbuckler

Not long now……..

It’s been five years since the last Superman film, and after a rocky road, Man of Steel finally began production in 2010, scheduled for a December 2012 cinema release. But then the WB decided to push it back till the summer of this year, that’s another 6 bastard  months, so it didn’t coincide with the release of the Hobbit.

imgres

Hairy footed prick.

It’s now February. Only 4 months to go and after this latest trailer I can not fucking wait………

So what do I do in the meantime? How about I write an article on what I DO and DON’T want to see from the film?……Yeah, that sounds like a good idea……lets do that…..

What I DO want to see – Sheer epicness!

The first Superman film from 1978 was probably the first film to take superheroes seriously. It had a huuuuuuge 3 act structure, each of which was in itself almost a mini movie. First you have the planet Krypton,a sci-fi tale in which you learn where baby Kal-El came from, and how his home world met its demise

jor el

Baby Supes

Then you have the Kent farm, a true Americana tale of a misunderstood boy trying to come to terms with his role in life, dealing with the mortality of those around him, and then going off to seek out his destiny. Basically it’s the Smallville tv show, but in 15 minutes  as opposed to 10 fucking years.

emo supes

Emo Supes

Then finally you have Metropolis, where the tone gets lighter, the main players are introduced and the story truly begins.

superman

Superman Supes

It makes the story so much more grand, almost biblical. Christopher Nolan has even said he was inspired by this structure for Batman Begins (Young Bruce, Ninja Bruce, Batman Bruce).

so I want an epic tale that lasts two hours plus…….having said that…….

What I DON’T want to see – Clark not becoming Superman untill half way through  the story

As much as I love the Superman origin, it is a story I have heard/read/seen it thousands of times before. As I previously mentioned, Smallville took 10 fucking years to tell the tale

Smallville

“Dude, seriously, just put on the fucking cape already”

Here it is in its simplest form. Planet far more advanced than ours goes kaboom. Father puts baby in space shuttle and sends it to earth. Baby is found by a farming couple, couple raise the child, who has super powers, into a good kind man. Good kind man becomes Superman (because good kind man wasn’t catchy enough), the protector and saviour of planet earth. The 50’s tv series tells us pretty much all we need to know in it’s 60 second long intro

Y’all seen Amazing Spider-man right? How fucking boring was that first half? That’s because we all ready know why Parker does what he does, we really didn’t need telling again. I know this is a reboot, and that I want my grand epicness, but I hope they limit the origin to about 45 minutes. That will then give me 105 minutes of Superman kicking ass and taking names.

What I DO want to see – Superman kicking ass and taking names.

I love Superman Returns, but I know I am a minority. I think the reason for that is people got bored with the emotional journey of being an outsider in a world that’s forever changing, and really wanted to see Superman punch some shit. Half the problem is Brian Singer (director of Superman Returns) was never really a big fan of the Superman comic’s, the Donner Superman films yes, but the comics, the true source material, no. If he was he may have noticed that pretty much every issue involves things like people getting smashed through buildings and thrown into suns and other such colossal shit.

superman fights

Pictured above: Some colossal shit.

Have a look at these two images, both depicting Superman carrying the Daily Planet globe. The first is from Superman Returns

daily planet1

“Easy does it……nice and slow”……

Notice how still Superman’s cape is, as he slowly ascends, and how the crowd stands around, looking on with no panic, as their hero once again saves the day. No lets look at the second image, this one is from Superman issue 1

superman1

“FUCKING KA-BLOOM!”

Notice the fire licking the bottom of the page, as all hell breaks loose around Supes, and also note how his eyes are glowing red, as he prepares to blast fucking heat vision from them, no doubt into the face of some bitch trying to mo down his town.

It’s about time Superman had a modern-day fight. I love the rucking between Supes and Zod in Superman II, but now we have the technology, it would be awesome to finally have him throw down comic book style. It baffles me they didn’t include such a scene in Superman Returns. It’s not like it was out of its budget, at the time it was one of the most expensive movies ever made. Maybe they spent it all on making Superman gently lifting stuff look really, really good.

Superman car

Yet another shot of Superman boring the shit out of the audience.

What I DON’T want to see – Superman: Badass

Superman in not Batman. He is not Wolverine. He isn’t driven to do what  he does because of inner turmoil and anger. He does it because he can and it’s the right thing to do.

This is one of the reasons I liked the Captain America movie so much. It’s the only superhero movie I can think of in years where the hero doesn’t start fighting baddies because of a life altering event, like Tony Stark being captured by terrorists of Thor being banished to Earth. Steve Rogers is a hero even before he takes the super-serum, he stands up for himself and puts his life on the line for the sake of other people. Some call it cheesy, I call it refreshing and admirable.

I keep hearing that the tone of the Man of Steel is going to be darker. I hope this does not mean they are going to give Kal-El an edgy attitude and badass personality. There  are already plenty of heroes like that.

bad ass

Although in the right context, badass Superman can be pretty awesome.

What I hope it means is that the world around him is darker, letting his beacon of hope and heroism shine even brighter. Superman is something we can all look up to – Be the best person you can possibly be.

What I DO want to see – Clark and Lois, a love story.

One of the things I relate to most in the Superman mythology is the relationship between Lois and Clark. Superman has a dual identity, that way he can still live a normal life and protect the ones he loves, but in order to do this Clark Kent has to be a bumbling fool.

He has to be clumsy, shy, stammer and basically act like a loser, that way no one can believe that this idiot is Superman, even Clark’s biggest crush, Lois Lane.

At the risk of sounding a bit arrogant, I know that I’m a good guy. I like to think that I am funny, kind and intelligent.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I am in the presence of someone I have the hots for, all of that goes out of the window. I start trying to hard, I become foolish and clumsy, I get shy and I act like an Idiot. I act like Clark Kent. After an encounter with a pretty girl I feel regretful, and I wish they could have seen my Superman.

Clark is the arseclown we all tend to be every now and again. We know it’s not our true self, it can be heart breaking, but sometimes that’s just the way it is.

arseclown

Arseclown.

What I DON’t want to see – Lois Lane : Fucking Idiot

Lois is Metropolis number one investigative reporter, and if she doesn’t eventually work out Clark and Supes are one and the same, she looks like a moron.

I’m not saying she should suss it straight away, shouting ” THOSE GLASSES DON’T FOOL ME! YOU ARE THE FUCKING SUPERMAN!” upon their first meeting, but she should notice that Clark suddenly needs to go to the toilet every time shit kicks off  downtown.

In the early nineties, comic book writers got sick of working out ways for Clark to live his double life, so they finally ended their courtship with Clark revealing all to her, and they fell in love and got married.

wedding

I can’t see Batman or the Punisher pulling this shit off

This gave DC more freedom to focus on the actual storylines, and not Clark’s excuses.

Maybe the reveal shouldn’t happen in the first film, save it for if and when a sequel happens, but I do like thought of Lois kind of knowing. yet not saying anything as she knows it’s for the greater good. That could add a new twist on their relationship.

What I DO want to see – An Iconic, original score.

The John Williams Superman march will not feature in this film, as the film makers believe it is too symbolic of the  Donner films, and this is a fresh start.

I can understand the reasoning for this, but I personally feel that the march extends beyond that, and is as symbolic of the character as much as the cape and the S shield.

So if they are writing a new theme, it better be fucking good! It needs to be something kids can hum as they run through the playground pretending to fly. I don’t think there is any possible way the can top the old theme, but I also thought that way about the Batman Begins soundtrack.

Even though I think Danny Elfman’s 89 score is slightly superior, I still brought all three of the new trilogy’s soundtrack c.d’s. (Yes, I still buy c.d’s). They capture the tone and feel of the character, and in the end that’s all that matters.

What I DON’T want to see – A sad and somber soundtrack.

So after working his musical magic and the DK trilogy, Hans Zimmer is the man the got on the case to do the score for Man of Steel.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. While I think Zimmer is one of the greatest composers of all time, I also think his music is far to dark and bitter-sweet for this particular character.

Once again, Superman in not Batman. I don’t want to see him fly to a lone female operatic voice, or a fast beat with violent violin stabs. Zimmer does danger, battle and mystery very well, but I have never heard him do a happy heroes theme, unlike say Alan Silvestri (Back to the Future) or James Horner (Wrath of Khan)

I want trumpets and loud crashing drums. I want the sense of flying with speed and fucking  loving it, not floating around feeling sorry for myself.

I’m not saying it should be a clone of the Williams score, it should stand alone by itself, but I hope Zimmer is not afraid to go the route of generic hero theme. After all, Superman IS the ultimate generic hero. He was the template for all the others.

Superman the animated series is my favourite of the non Donner-verse theme tunes. It’s original, it’s Iconic, and it’s totally Superman.

 

Whatever happens with the new film, I hope it does well. DC and Warner Brothers really need to kick off their hero movie-verse, especially seeing how Marvel are now on phase two of theirs. They already have Ironman 3, Captain America 2, Thor 2, Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers 2 in the pipeline, and they managed to pull all of this off without most of their key players (Spider-man, X-men, Fantastic four, Daredevil and Punisher)

Warner Brothers have full creative control over all of the DC properties, and in their universe Batman has begun, kicked ass and retired without a fucking mention of Metropolis, Star City or any of that cool intercrossing stuff.

Lets hope this is the start of something greater. Superman was the first superhero comic. He was the first decent super hero film. Lets hope he sets the trend once again, and this film becomes the first of something new and amazing.

Peace out amigos

Follow on twitter @TimBuckler316

Tim Buckler will return in – Tim’s Top 5 : Sofa Scares

 

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