One hour in….Farcry 3

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November 29, 2012 by timbuckler

You all know me…….Know how I earn a living…..

Just a quick one this. I love to play video games but due to my hectic life style of jacking off and sleeping I don’t get to play them as often as I like, maybe for one or two hour bursts at a time.

But when playing a new game that is really all the time you need to make a judgement on whether the title suits your taste.

So this is not a review, as I have not dissected the game entirely. For all I know it can sore to new heights or sink to some low depths after the preliminary stage.

No, this is a first impression. This is a taster, and today this is……..

Farcry 3

And so it begins….

With Farcry 2 the first hour of the game bored me so shitless that I didn’t bother to pick it back up again. That game literally started with you being driven round some fields for twenty minutes. Then you caught malaria. Then you lie in bed for a few days fighting disease. When you finally awaken for adventure I just thought fuck it, there are better ways to pass my time.

I’m surprised you didn’t sit on the lav for forty five minutes, rocking back and forth praying to gentle Jesus with a burning ring of fire.

Not the case with Farcry 3. When this game opens it opens loud, slaps you in the face and grabs you by the balls straight away.

The story goes your a thrill seeker on holiday with friends and family, when pirates turn up and shit on your parade. When I say pirates I don’t mean the “Yo ho me heartys!” type, but the lock you in a bamboo cage, piss on your head and sell you as hostages type.

These fuckers are scary. When I saw the first picture of the apparent main baddie I thought “This man looks like an arsehole! Why should I respect him as the big bad?” but after you see how he acts and speaks you get  the point. This isn’t a villain you think is cool and kind of want to be, like Darth Vader or the Joker, this is a villain you genuinely hate and are afraid of, like Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast.

“I aint no Doctor Robotnik, Bowser bitch! I’ll eat your fucking heart holmes!”

Without spoilers, you end up running off into the woods, and the game truly begins. It’s an open world adventure where you learn to hunt, craft and sneak until you are badass enough to go Rambo on the sea dog scum.

There are many things to play with on the island, like cars, jet sky’s and hand gliders.

There are also magic mushrooms. Proper, head fucking, reality shifting magic mushrooms.

Missions are also a plenty. In my short time playing I clambered up rickety old radio towers and hunted rabid dogs. All very tense, all very real, and all very very fun.


I had a few issues with button response in some parts, but nothing to major that a simple patch couldn’t fix. The game feels very real. You are never taken out of the first person, which immerses you completely. When you crash a vehicle you feel  shocked. When you jump into the water with force you black out few a few seconds and swim as fast as you can to the surface in a panic. Sometimes, at least for the faint hearted like me, I had to walk about on the main road for a bit just to get my bearings, as you are always on edge, wondering what the jungle is going to throw at you next.

One of the trailers shows you punching a shark in the face.When I saw this I couldn’t wait to take a dive and smack the fishy bastards on the nose, but when I was sat on my jet skI and I saw a fin in the water I bottled it and sped away on as fast as I could. That’s how real this game feels. Tense stuff.

See how wide open this sharks mouth is? At the same time, my  mouth was equally ajar as I let out a mighty “OHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!”


Absolutely stunning. With in seconds you are in awe of the games beauty, then suddenly in fear as you feel the presence of villainy. The landscape goes from vast, with the scenery blowing your mind, to claustrophobic, as you crawl through the long grass and dense woods, finger clutching the trigger, terrified of what foul beast is going to spring at you next.

“Now, I’m sure I left that car parked around here somewhere…OH JAM!!! CHEEEETAAAH”

Also the shroom trips are a site for the eyes, echoing the brilliant Scarecrow fear gas levels from Arkham Asylum.

So is it any good?

We gamers have been fortunate in recent months, with new realises not only meeting our expectations, but pushing them to new heights. Not only is this the best shooter of the year, but it’s well on the way to being one of the greatest games ever.

I stopped playing when I got to my first stealth mission, as I suck at being subtle, but after I finish smacking the shit out of the Rock on WWE13, and sorting out injustice in Assassins creed 3, I shall return to the island of Farcry 3. Those fucking pirates are going to pay.

Peace out amigos xxx

Farcry 3 is realised on the 30th of Novemeber

Tim Buckler will return in Movies that are suitable for kids (but are not really suitable for kids)


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