BOOM-STICK!? MORE LIKE BULL-SHIT! Tim’s reaction to the Evil Dead teaser

3

November 14, 2012 by timbuckler

There is a new Evil Dead remake coming. BEHOLD THE TEASER!!!!!

Sorry about the link and the whole sign into youtube thing, but it is redband, and god forbid the kiddies should watch it.

So what did you think? gruesome eh?

What did I think? Did I like it? Well of course not silly! Why else would I be writing about it? It’s much more fun to shit all over somebody’s hard work than to sing it praises!!!!!

But this one is very personal for me. Evil Dead II is in my top 5 favourite films ever. Army of Darkness is in my top ten, and the reason why I love those films is not shown in any form in this trailer. Lets break down my woe into parts.

FUCK REMAKES!

I have said it before, and I will say it again, I don’t mind remakes to an extent. If the franchise is broken and needs new life breathed into it, full steam ahead! But the Evil Dead series didn’t need restarting. It needed continuation.

The fans have been begging for Evil Dead 4 for years, and it’s been cock teased to us for a long time now. Drag me to hell (awesome film) felt to many like a dry run to get Sam Raimi (the original director) back to his horror roots. Then we heard a new Evil Dead was in the pipeline, and by Christ did we rejoice! Then we heard it’s a remake and by Christ were we confused.

You see the Evil Dead films are much like the first two Terminators or first two Alien films. Different genres in the same franchise. Evil Dead is straight up horror. Evil Dead II is horror comedy, and Army of Darkness: The Medieval Dead is a fantasy comedy.

Though the same theme runs throughout the trilogy (evil book awakes the evil dead, and a poor hapless bastard has to deal with it) its executed differently with each tale. Ash, the main character, goes on a journey which starts with him as an every day joe, then he becomes terrified,  then he becomes batshit crazy (as  would you if you had to cut up your own girlfriend with a chainsaw), then becomes a hero, and eventually just gets sick of this whole battling the forces of evil bullshit. Ash’s journey is the centre of the tale, not the ghosts n goulies.  More on Ash in a bit.

Rumour has it Raimi needed to get off his arse and do something otherwise another studio would take the rights to his baby, ala Platinum Dunes (the company  that produced the Texas chainsaw massacre and Friday the 13th remakes) and rather than let that happen he decided to shepherd his own reboot. He took an unknown director (much like he was when he made the first one) and took a producing role for himself.  Raimi is still the godfather on this project. So maybe this is not a remake…..maybe this is a reboot with new characters, and Ash still exists somewhere in this universe, ready to comeback in Evil Dead 4….. For a while I rested easy but then my fears started back up again.

And it all started with that damn book.

The Necronomicon ex mortis

The Book of the Dead.

The Necronomicon from Evil Dead (1981)

The Necronomicon from Evil Dead (2013)

That ain’t the same book. Ok, maybe I’m being a little bit geeky, and to be fair the book differs a little bit from film to film. But in each of the originals the book has that creepy face on the front. Maybe the stitching is there to keep it together after it fell to pieces during Evil Dead II. But judging from the trailer, the cabin is the only thing that remains the same, which leads me to my next point…..

That shit don’t look like Evil Dead to me!

Evil Dead has it’s own Iconic style. Some of the camera shots are in this trailer…..and that’s about it

The rest is just a gruesome mess. Blood and guts and tongue cutting and all sorts of horrible things. The film makers have gone on record saying that this remake will follow the originals shock horror vibe, and not the slapstick and tomfoolery of the other two, and for me this is where the problem lies…

No one really likes the first Evil Dead.

Sure, some people will disagree with me, but Evil Dead II pretends the first film never happened (a bit like the Highlander films in my last post) and that’s where the series cult status begins. The quotes, the toys, the Bruce Campbell worship all stem from the second and third, Evil Dead I was just another run of the mill video nasty, and I myself have only seen it once, never feeling the urge to put that snoozefest on again (unlike the the other two, which I can quote along with like some kind of feature length karaoke.) Chainsaw hand? Evil Dead II. “Groovy”? Evil Dead II. Boomstick? Army of Darkness.

However along with tree rape, the first did set the style, and an original style it is. The “Deadites” are the beasties of the film, Evil Spirits that fly through the woods and posses the characters body’s morphing them into demonic, beast like creatures which move and jerk about like hellish marionette puppets. Lets take a look at one shall we?

Now that looks like something from a nightmare. That looks like something that will make me shit bricks if I ever saw one in a dark alley. Or a light alley. Or in an open field. Or in a movie. That, my friends, is pure fucking evil and that is how you make something iconic. Now lets look at the new Deadites

That looks like something from every horror film made in the last 15 years. Standard pale skin, creepy contacts, scraggly hair  Japanese Ringu Pingu Grudge bullshit.

“But Tim!” I hear you rudely interrupt “It’s a reboot! You have to change things up!” Exactly. To me this confirms this is not a continuation. This is something new. This ain’t the same universe as Ash…..and so on to my final point…..

No Ash? Fuck off then.

Evil Dead is Ash. Ash is Evil Dead. It’s not the gore, Its not the jumps, its not the Deadites, Its Bruce Campbell taking pratt falls as he fights his own hand, It’s Bruce Campbell going bonkers as the situation around him worsens, and its Bruce Campbell being a full on badass as he blows those bastard Deadites away.

I’m happy Ash has not been recast, as it gives me a small glimmer of hope that Evil Dead 4 is still somewhere down the pipeline, and it does not matter that he is a lot older now. Have you guys seen Bubba Ho-Tep? In that film Campbell plays an elderly Elvis fighting a mummy. It rocks, and proves that the characters age is not an issue

So the lack of Ash does not really bug me (pun intended). What bugs me, at the risk of sounding like a sexist pig (which I am) is that apparently the films main protagonist is a girl.

One of things that separate films like Evil Dead and the Thing is that it’s very rare for a horror films main character to be a guy, and a male lead really helps with the tone. A girl running terrified screaming is scary. A boy running terrified screaming is scary, and can be pretty hilarious.  Something about seeing a man striped from his macho persona and yelling like a pansy is comedy gold. But again, this is not a comedy. It’s a full on horror…..Jesus, the only thing that could make this worse is if Diablo Cody was scripting it. Which she is. All together now “AAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck.”

If you though Juno or Jennifers Body where good films you are either a 14 year old rock chick or a straight up arsehole. Either way, your wrong.

At the end of the day the new Evil Dead looks like a good horror film. The imagery is disturbing, creepy and is sure to freak the piss out of its viewers (that tongue cutting thing looks particularly unnerving.)

I’m not hating on it because it looks bad. I’m hating on it because it represents nothing that made me fall in love with the series. As I said at the beginning, it’s all very personal. Some people love Evil Dead because of the gore and the scares. I love it because of the laughs and the character study of one man having a very bad day.

Maybe one day I will get my Evil Dead that I long so badly to see. Until that day, here is Bruce Campbell singing Duran Duran. Peace out amigos xxx

 

Tim Buckler will return.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “BOOM-STICK!? MORE LIKE BULL-SHIT! Tim’s reaction to the Evil Dead teaser

  1. GodKillingVirus says:

    I actually liked to first Evil Dead and I am glad they can finally make it scary

  2. […] I understand the anger of remakes and reboots and such. I too used to cry out for people to leave the classics alone and the lack of originality in Hollywood. I remember sharing my anger with you guys when I first saw the Evil Dead remake trailer. You can check out that rant here. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: