October 18, 2012 by timbuckler
Kids hyper on sugar run around, excited that the whole world is playing dress up. Party’s are a plenty. Guys try decide if they would rather try it on with ugly fat chicks who are dressed as sluttish devils and sexy cats, or to try it on with the hot chicks who deemed themselves unfuckable with weird contact lenses and gallons of fake blood, then realise the can gain neither, for they themselves are dressed as complete and utter fuck-wits.
The cheap decorations
The shitty tasting chocolates
And the movies.
Now is the time of year, like Christmas, where I start watching my Halloween favourites to get me in the festive mood.
Now a good Halloweenie movie isn’t necessarily a scary film, but something that oozes that almost tacky, gothicy charm that comes with the season. Here be some movies that get me in that monster mash mood.
What’s it about?: A couple die in a car crash, and are cursed to live the rest of their days in their old house. When an annoying new family moves in the couple try their hardest to freak them out, only to fail miserably. So they resort to hiring “The Ghost with the Most”, Beetleguice, who not only is the king of spreading fear, but is also driven by motives of his own….
Why is it Halloweenie?: Ghosts and goulies, graveyards, soundtrack by Danny Elfman.
Is it Scary?: Not really, but the sandworm and the banister snake fuelled the nightmares of a young Timmy Buckler. I hate sandworms.
Favourite Quote?: “NICE FUCKIN MODEL!”
What’s it about?: Good old fashioned ghost story. The ghost in question is a mean old bitch named Mary Shaw. The only way she can get to you is if she makes you scream first and she does that using her collection of creepy ventriloquist dummy’s…….fuck me.
Why is it Halloweenie?: Ghost and Ghoulies, Graveyards, Ventriloquist dummy’s, Soundtrack by Charlie Clouser (the cat who did the Saw theme)
Is it Scary?: I’ll be honest, me and my buddy Jib where hugging each other like Shaggy and Scooby watching this one.
Favourite Quote: “If you say I told you so, I will shoot you.”
Drag me to Hell
What’s it about?: A girl reposes an old woman’s home for lack of payment. What with the old woman being a gypsies, she places a curse on the girl, damning her to hell….
Why is it Halloweenie?: Ghosts n ghoulies, possession, gypsy curses, graveyards.
Is it Scary?: Funny and scary. Some people won’t get freaked out by it, but I personally shat bricks.
Favourite quote?: “I’ll do better than that. I’ll shove it down her goddamn throat!”
What’s it about?: Michael J Fox is blessed with a sixth sense, which he uses to befriend ghosts and run an exorcism scam buy getting the ghosts to haunt peoples houses and charging them fees for his “ghostbusting” ability’s….But one ghost doesn’t want to play nice……
Why is it Halloweenie?: Ghosts n ghoulies, graveyards, haunted houses, soundtrack by Danny Elfman.
Is it Scary?: Creepy bits in it, but mostly a comedy
Favourite Quote?: “I like it when they lie still like that. “
The Cabin in the Woods
What’s it about?: If I tell you anything about this movie, it kind of ruins it. I can tell you that there is a cabin in the woods……and Thor is in it.
Why is it Halloweenie?:…….again, I can’t really tell you…..but to confirm, it does involve a cabin in the woods.
Is it Scary?: Scary and funny, like most of the films on this list
Favourite Quote?: “Statistical fact: Cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees further than they and he will bind them with ancient logics. “
This is the most spoiler free trailer I could find, but even this I think shows too much……So if you truly plan one watching it don’t press play…..
Evil Dead II: Dead by dawn
What’s it about?: Ashley J Williams and his girlfriend Linda go to….a Cabin in the woods. When they accentually awake the “evil dead”, the evil takes Linda, and it’s up to Ash to fight the bastards off.
Why is it Halloweenie?: Cabin in the woods, Ghosts n ghoulies, blood and guts galore.
Is it Scary?: Not really any more, but I wouldn’t recommend it to kids. One of my favourite films of all time.
Favourite Quote?: “You bastards……..you dirty bastards……..give me back my hand………GIVE ME BACK MY HAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!”
The Bride of Frankenstein
What’s it about?: Pretty much all the Universal monster movies deserve to be on this list, but this one is my favourite so this is the one I’m going with. Henry Frankenstein’s monster returns…..and he wants a friend…
Why is it Halloweenie?: Karloff’s Monster, the ultimate mad scientist movie (switch pulling, lighting bolts etc) Castles and graveyards.
Is it Scary?: No. But that doesn’t stop it from being widely regarded as one of the greatest horror films of all time
Favourite quote?: “This Isn’t science!!! This is black magic!!!!”
This scene is pretty much what a typical night round my friend Jamie’s is like
What’s it about?: Michael Myers has escaped from the local mental institution, and is headed home for the holidays…….Only thing is Michael is evil as all fuck, and has a habit of going on killing sprees…..
Why is it Halloweenie?: Are you fucking kidding me? Aside from the Jack o lantern burning its eyes into your soul during the opening credits, this is the ultimate Halloween film. I mean, it’s called “Halloween” for fucks sake.
Is it Scary?: Set the standard for all modern day movie slashers. If you are watching a horror film and something seems a little cliché, chances are it originated from this film.
Favourite Quote?: “Death has come to your little town, sheriff”
That’s all I can think of for now, but I’m sure I shall add more when I think of them…….Hope this little guide helps get you in the mood. Now lets all mellow the fuck out to Donovan. Peace out you fucking nerds xxxxx