Casting call: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

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October 7, 2012 by timbuckler

One game/conversation starter me and I my brother often play is “who would you cast?” Basically, you are in charge of a remake/reboot of a film, and its up to you to decide who plays who.

I no longer fear remakes or reboots. Ten years ago I would swear at you until my face turned blue if I found out a beloved film of mine would be getting an update, but now that we live in a world where story’s are told a thousand times over It’s no big deal. The originals will always be there (Unless your George Lucas, and fucking up a new series doesn’t satisfy your thirst so you have to go back and fuck up your previous masterpieces) and sometimes, just sometimes, like in the case of Star Trek, it breaths new life and makes something old and broken all shiny and new again.

When I write these I will break down the basics of the character, give you my pick and why I chose them. Also I will attempt to cast films that are rumoured for a big overhaul, just to give it some relevance (though I am sure from time to time I will just do one on a whim.) Let’s start with a film that’s been on the rumoured remake block for a long time……..

Rocky Horror is a very marmitey subject. You either love it or hate it. I personally spread it all over my toast and lick my lips. The story follows Brad and Janet, a couple who are very much in love but are very prudish when it comes to sexy things. When their car breaks down during a storm they spend the night at “the Frankenstein place” A castle full of thrills, chills, and sexual abundance…..So lets go down to the lab and see what’s on the slab…….

Frank-N-Furter

Character Basics

A flamboyant, over dramatic insane scientist transvestite who would fuck anyone (and probably anything) that moves. Pretty much the villain of the piece, is close to completing his creation of the perfect man. Loves to entertain, loves attention, but if you cross him he can be violent and downright scary…….

Who would I cast?

Jim Carrey, Carrey can play the human cartoon come to life (see 90% of his films) can be creepy ( “The Cable Guy”) can sing (hear his rendition of “I am the walrus”) can completely physically immerse himself into a character ( “Lemony Snicketts a series of unfortunate events”) and is not afraid to act sexual to the same sex (“I love you Philip Morris”)

Brad Majors

Character Basics

Mild mannered do gooder who is in love with Janet Weiss. Tries his hardest to maintain his morals and dignity, even as the world around him plunges into lustful sin.

Who would I cast?

James Marsden. Can play the do gooder every man (“Superman Returns”) can be heroic (“X-men”) can be cheesy (“Hairspray”) and can carry a tune (again, see “Hairspray”).

Janet Weiss

Character Basics

Fiancée to Brad Majors, is a timid girl next door type with a lustful slut lurking underneath.

Who would I cast?

Amanda Seyfried. Can sing (“Mamma Mia!”) can play a timid girl next door fighting against horrific lustfulness (“Jennifer’s Body”) I’m using the word “lustful” an awful lot in this post ain’t I…..

Rocky Horror

Frank-N-Furter’s creation of the perfect man, who is just seven hours old. Can only talk though the medium of song, kind of has a man child monster thing going on, and spends all of his screen time in golden hotpants.

Who would I cast?

Channing Tatum. Pretty much every girl I know is lustful for him (there I go again) so I guess that proves he is the perfect man, can play the doofus man child (“21 Jump Street”) and is not afraid to dance around in hotpants (“Magic Mike”)

Columbia

Character Basics

Happy go lucky, high pitched and hyper girlie girl, always smiling and dancing, and yes, has a lustful side, especially for Frank-N-Furters original creation Eddie.

Who would I cast?

Isla fisher. Can play the creepy girlie girl obsessive (“Wedding Crashers”) can play the top hat wearing (at least in one scene) MC type who knows how to work a room (“Burke and Hare”)

Magenta

Character Basics

Exotic house made who is very dry, nothing seems to impress or entertain her, and Riff Raff’s right hand girl, doesn’t really sing, more of a spoken word in melody.

Who would I cast?

 

Selma Heyak. Has a sexy exotic accent (every film she has been in). Also, I would just love to see Selma dressed as a french maid. That would be…..that would be first class.

Riff Raff

Character Basics

Frank-N-Furters number one henchman, Riff Raff is normally calm and still and has the face of a smacked arse, until he gets into song, then he is a wild dancing bull of energy and madness. The part every am dram person wants to get in the audition, because he has the best songs and is the only male part not to wear nothing but underwear at any part during the proceedings.

Who would I cast?

Michael Sheen. Can play the quiet yet authoritative type (“the Damned United”) and can also burst into a ball of energy (“Tron: Legacy”). Never heard him sing, but he is Michael Sheen. Michael Sheen can do anything.

Eddie

Character Basics

Frank-n-Furter’s first creation, taken from the body of a rebel biker, Eddie is released from the vaults, sings a song and is promptly murdered.

Who would I cast?

Jack Black. You know he could rock out “Hot Patootie”

Also in the original stage show it is tradition for the actor who plays Eddie to also play Dr. Scott, Eddies uncle, so why not give that a whirl.

The Criminologist

Tells the tale to the audience, is never part of the action, but speaks directly to the camera, breaking the forth wall from what appears to be a study

 

Who would I cast?

Richard O’ Brien. It’s his creation so I would cast him in it out of principle. Also if you where a fan of the Crystal Maze, you would know that O’Brien is the king of straight up camera talking.

And that’s my list. Feel free to comment if you think I made a bad choice, a good choice, or anyone you would chose, because half the fun is in the conversation. It’s also a good game to play at work if your with anyone who is a movie fan. Bless you for reading. Here is Russell Crowe singing Hot Patootie. Peace out you fucking nerds xxx

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One thought on “Casting call: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

  1. You left out Dr. Scott

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