Why Batman/Superman is my religion

1

July 9, 2012 by timbuckler

Seriously,one day when I have lost weight and gained the courage, I am getting this tattoo

What with me just returning from the London Film and Comic Con, and with the new Batman film two weeks away, I think its time for me to speak about my biggest form of geekdom.

I love Batman and Superman. I have done all my life. Out of the many fictional heroes I look up to and to some extent try to emulate, Batman and Superman are the only ones that are a definite part of my daily life. My morning coffee Internet routine is checking the latest rumblings from superman-homepage and batman-on-film, my walk to work normally involves at least one piece of music from their multiple soundtracks and my bedtime reading will either be immersing myself into the dark streets of Gotham, or fantasising over the blue sky’s of Metropolis. I look up to them, and I feel angry when some one dismisses them as being childish or silly, and yes, your are quite right, I don’t get laid that often.

Zatanna “Gets” me.

So basically their my daily scripture, study, role models and my comfort blanket……Sweet Jenkins!, that sounds like a religion to me!!!

Now before you all start getting worried, I’m not planning to create a church or cult. I’m not going to start wearing robes emblazoned with the Bat-insignia or the S-shield (though that is tempting) and I am DEFINITELY not going to try and convert you. But lets take a look at a religion for a second. Christianity, because that’s the one I sang about back in school.

Jesus Christ is the probably the main character in the Christian universe. But they lost me during  the “Divinity Crisis” arc. So now I’m more into the “Moses and his Staff of Justice!'” books.

I don’t hate organised religion, In fact I envy those who have faith. It gives people drive and a purpose in life, while the rest of us wallow about without a fucking clue what’s going on. But how many “Christians” do you know stay virgins before marriage? Male Roman-Catholics who believe that self pleasure is sinful are fucking liars. Its been scientifically proven that if a man over the age of 14 goes a fortnight without fiddling with themselves, their head will blow up in a glob of white sticky goo (don’t try looking that up, just accept it as fact). Then there’s those who believe EVERY word is true, from the Garden of Eden with its lack of dinosaurs, to the man parting an ocean by waving its stick in the air all the way to the fire and brimstone finale. Well those people are just fucking crazy. I’m not going to get to into this as the prophet known as “Bill Hicks” pretty much sums it up perfectly.

Most Christians I know are lovely and they treat the Bible as a guideline, to better themselves as people and that’s how all religion should be treated. The bare-bones of every faith is simple, and I think I can sum it up In one short paragraph.

Do good things and good things happen, do bad things and bad things happen. Sometimes bad things happen that are out of your control, but if you keep hold of hope and believe in yourself, something good will turn up and surprise you.

Fuck it, lets watch some more Bill Hicks.

So lets compare the life’s Batman and Superman. Keep in mind that they are both characters of the DC universe, so they exist in each others reality, and in the comics they are roughly the same age and started kicking evil up the arse around the same time….

The cover to “World’s Best” No.1. The first Batman/Superman cross over comic. Historic, legendary, and judging from that cover I reckon it was utter shit. I don’t dig the golden age.

-Superman a,k.a Kal-El was born on the doomed planet of Krypton. His father sent him off in a rocket seconds before the planet exploded and he landed in a small farming town called Smallville, where he was found and adopted by a slightly elderly, humble, not very well-off couple called Jonathan and Martha Kent. They named him Clark.

If you can make it through the “Father become the son” speech without shedding a tear, you are an inhuman monster. Even though Brando probably read it off the baby’s diaper.

-Batman was born in Gotham, a violent crime ridden city, to millionaires Thomas and Martha Wayne. They named him Bruce.

The Wayne family are so happy. Nothing bad could possibly happen to them. Ever.

-At a young age, Clark’s powers started to develop. He learnt about responsibility and being good person through his foster parents love and guidance.

“My parents are awesome!”

-At a young age Bruce witnessed his parents being shot down in a mugging gone wrong. He developed a hatred towards evil, and people who do wrong at the cost of innocents well-beings.

“MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!”

-As teenager, Clark starts grow more powerful. His parents decide to tell him about how they found him and show him his vessel to Earth which they kept hidden in a barn. Clark finds a crystal which glows when he approaches it. It turns out to be a some sort of Kryptonion technology which his birth-father Jor-El placed in his cradle, which has a telepathic connection to Clark and it guides him on a journey to find his heritage, resulting in the creation of the “Fortress of Solitude.”

HEY! THAT’S WHERE I WRITE MY BLOG!

-As a teenager Bruce decides to use his resources to travel the world, taking lessons from master fighters, detectives, escapists, gurus and anyone else that can help him become the ultimate specimen any mortal can possibly be. When he returns to Gotham, he turns an old cave located under his family mansions grounds, which he fell into as a child, into his base of operations, resulting in the creation of the “Bat-Cave”

Bruce made sure that the Bat-cave would contain all he needs in his war against crime, such as his computers, vehicles, gadgets,a gym and his costumes. He also put his logo lit in neon everywhere to make it look extra fuckin’ rocking.

-Clark moves to Metropolis, The biggest city in the world, gets a job at the Daily Planet newspaper and adopts the persona of a “Mild-mannered reporter”. That way he can live a normal life and be a part of the people he chooses to protect.

I wish people still dressed like this. I honestly do.

-Bruce stays in Gotham, a city with the highest crime rate in the world. He takes over his fathers company Wayne Enterprises and adopts the persona of a “Playboy billionaire.” that way he can alienate him self from the world thus keeping them away from his secret, and give the illusion that he is content with life and is the least likely person to become a hero for the people he chooses to protect.

It also gives him an excuse to get pissed up every now and again.

-For his shield Clark chooses his home planet/birth family emblem, keeping their culture alive as a symbol of hope.

-For his insignia, Bruce chooses that of a bat, because bats used to scare him as child as he was mobbed by a swarm of them after falling into the cave. He uses it as symbol of fear to shake up his enemies.

-Clark creates a costume using bright colours that are noticeable when he flies past, he decides not to hide his face under a mask so that despite his other worldly powers he still seems human and people can gain a trust. He wears a big red cape to create a flag effect, something to look up to and to fill the world  with hope. He is Superman, Champion of Justice and Man of Steel.

-Bruce creates a costume using dark colours to blend into the night. He decides to wear a mask to create a supernatural like presence hiding his mortality and wears a cape to finish off the effect of a creature of darkness. He is the Batman, urban legend and Dark Knight Detective.

The reason I decided to write out both their history’s along-side each other is to show you that even though their life’s mirror each other, they’re complete opposites. They are black and white, fire and water, night and day, ying and yang, God and Mortal.

Yet they are both exactly the same. And the reason why is because despite their different upbringings, experiences, points of view and limitations, they have both decided to be the best person they can possibly be. Not because of ego, fame, money or self contempt, because its the right thing to do. They both know the fight against evil is a never ending battle, but its a fight they are willing to keep up until the end. That is what a hero is. That is what we all should be.

I’m not saying I’m perfect for following them, as I am probably a worse person than 90% percent of you reading this (10% of you are complete bastards). I fuck up. Everyone does. Including Bats and Supes. But they learn from their mistakes as should we all. I’m going to end this now as I am starting to preach, But if you ever feel lost and in need of guidance why not turn to one of your childhood heroes? The are called heroes for a reason after all…..

Peace out you fucking nerds xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bonus Tim’s Top 5!!!! Batman/ Superman cross over stories.

For a religion to be legit it needs a scripture, so here are 5 tales of the worlds finest which I feel capture their spirit

The Call – Written by Mark Schlutz, art by Claudio Castellini (Originally published in Gotham Knights no.19)

This is a short story from the Batman Black and White series. A woman is dying, and Batman, knowing that the ambulance won’t get there in time, grudgingly calls in Superman to help out. This story perfectly highlights the differences between the two, and is a good exploration of the fine line between right and wrong.

Absolute Power– Written by Jeph Loeb, art by Carlos Pacheco (Originally published in Superman/Batman  no.14-18)

An epic tale of a group of time travelling villains who go back, rescue baby Kal-El before the Kent’s find him and adopt young Bruce after his parents murders, creating an alternate time-line where Batman and Superman rule with an Iron fist. Once they learn that their current present is false, the two go back to correct the past, Clark manages to get his baby self to the Kent’s, but for Bruce, standing idly by and and watching his parents get murdered does not seem like an option he can choose……..This story is very much like Back to the Future, and it is interesting seeing all the alternate possibility’s that can happen through the smallest of changes.

One night in Gotham City– Story and art by John Bryne and Dick Giordano (Originally published in Man of Steel no.3)

A story about the first meeting of Batman and Superman, and how their encounter with the villain Magpie teaches one another about their methods, turning their differences into a mutual understanding.

A Better World– Written by Karl Kesel, art by Peter Doherty and Robert Campanella (Originally published in Batman/Superman Worlds Finest no. 7)

Based shortly after the death of Jason Todd (the second Robin) Batman has isolated himself from the outside world, working harder than ever before. Superman takes him on a trip to Smallville, in an attempt to rekindle Batman’s faith with the world. The scene where Bruce sits down for his first family dinner in over 20 years with the Kent family actually brought a tear to my eye. Yes I know, I’m a big softie.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before….-Written by Joe Kelly, art by Ed Mcguinness, Ryan Ottely, Sean Murphy and Carlo Barberi (Originally published in Superman/Batman annual no.1)

A story on the first meeting between Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, and how the two discover each others secret identity’s.Often humorous, the tale is set on the maiden voyage of a cruise liner where a mix up in rooms results in Clark and Bruce sharing a cabin and a bed together. It’s fun to see the two go at each other, unaware of their superhero counter parts. Bruce thinks of Clark as a looser goodie two shoes, while Clark finds Bruce to be an arrogant prick. The cruise gets hijacked by villains,  so the two slip away to save the day. Seeing them one up each other is hilarious, and if you have never read a Batman/Superman story this is probably the best place to start.

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One thought on “Why Batman/Superman is my religion

  1. […] So at Comic-Con this year Zack Snyder announced Batman V Superman with an extract from…..yeah you guessed it The Dark Fucking Knight Fucking Returns. He tells us the tone of the film will be similar to that story. WHY!? DIDN’T YOU GUYS JUST GIVE A STORY IN THAT TONE!? Why not take inspiration from one of the many BETTER Superman/Batman story’s? (find my personal favs by clicking here) […]

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